The Christmas Dream

Back in May and June I daydreamed about getting pregnant right away and being able to announce the good news to my parents when we saw them in person over the summer.  Then, when that didn’t happen, I began to think, “Wouldn’t it be great to be able to tell them when they were here visiting for Thanksgiving?”  We could tell my parents at Thanksgiving and tell Tim’s parents at Christmas.  I started to get excited about the possibility of telling them in person when we could see their eyes light up, see their smiles.

Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone and we are in that waiting period wondering if we might have gotten the timing just right this month, I can’t help but daydream about a Christmas telling.  I try not to.  I try not to think about it, as this definitely falls within the realm of “getting your hopes up.”  But still, when I walk the dog, when I walk home from work, when my mind starts to wonder, I imagine scenes where we reveal our happy news on one of the most magical days of gift giving.  We could write a little note that says “you’re going to be grandparents,” wrap it up, and put it under the tree.  We wouldn’t say anything or drop any hints until Christmas morning.  We would make sure it was the last present. “What’s this? We almost forgot this one.”

For my parents, celebrating Christmas home alone this year, we could wrap a little box for them too.  We could say, “do not open  until on the phone with us on Christmas Day.”  Then, we could at least experience the audio surprise of them opening the present and discovering the happy news.  Ahh, my heart skips faster just writing this.  What a Christmas blessing that would be!

My “official” day to test isn’t until this weekend.  Part of me wants to run to the bathroom and pee on a stick this very second.  If it’s negative, at least I’d know.  At least I wouldn’t be creating any more sugar-coated Christmas morning scenarios.  No matter how disappointed, my mind would be put to rest, at least for a few more weeks.  Another part of me wants to wait to test as long as possible.  The longer I wait, the longer this hopefulness remains alive.  Well, at least until I get my period.  I like feeling hopeful.  I like knowing that our timing is getting better, that our chances for actually conceiving are higher, and that this just might be the month after all.

Sigh…  That’s another reason I wish we didn’t live  so far away from our parents.  More than likely, this news will have to be expressed over the phone.  For both sets of parents.  If we say, “Hey, go get Dad on the line, too.  We have some news,” they’ll know something is up.   It will still be an extremely joyous day, and like almost every aspect of this whole process, it’s out of my control.

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