On hold

Over the past month or so, I began to realize that this baby making process could take a while.  It’s such a bummer because once we decided to start trying, I just really wanted it to happen right away.  As I mentioned in this post, it’s a challenge to be patient, to live in the now–not dwelling on the past or always looking to the future.

After a few months of trying with negative results, I’ve been able to tell myself, “there’s always next month.”  But now, that’s not true for two reasons.  One, I’ve been having extremely long cycles.  None of this 28-day stuff for me.  It’s more like 42 days, or last month’s 47-day cycle.  For someone not trying to have a baby, this would be awesome.  I only get my period every six weeks or so?  Cool!  But for me, I find this very frustrating.  Instead of getting to try again every month, it gets to be almost every other month.  I’m sorry if this is a little too much information–I’ve been trying to make this blog as open and honest as possible without going into too many of the gritty details–but this little bit of insight is important.  Since going off birth control in the middle of April, I’ve actually only been through three fertile cycles.

Secondly, I think Tim and I are going to put trying to conceive on hold for this next cycle.  Some may say this is crazy, that something will always come up and no time will be the “right time.”  But, my brother-in-law and his fiance are planning a wedding for mid-June of next year.  If we were to get pregnant this next cycle, I would be due in mid-June.  To make matters more complicated, the wedding is in Florida.  Even if I weren’t in the delivery room at the time of the wedding, I wouldn’t be able to fly there, and likely wouldn’t be able to go.  Tim is supposed to be a groomsman in the wedding, and I would hate for him to miss his brother’s wedding because he needed to stay home with me.  (I would be even more upset if he were to go to the wedding and miss the birth of his first child.)  So, in order to complicate matters a little less, it looks like Tim and I are going to hold off trying this cycle.

When this point is combined with point number one, it looks like we won’t be trying again for another couple of months.  We’ve discussed this at length and although emotionally, we want to keep trying, our brains are telling us to wait.  If I knew that we’d get pregnant in November for sure, I wouldn’t mind skipping this next cycle so much.  But I’m learning quickly that these things can’t be so easily planned–at least not by most people.  Even if we do everything “right,” a big part of it is chance and God’s will.  It is out of my control.  I don’t do well with things out of my control.

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