Living in the Now

Sometimes I struggle with the feeling of always wanting the next life step instead of appreciating the now.

I remember just a few years ago when Tim and I first moved to Philly, it was 2006 and we weren’t yet engaged.  I wanted to be engaged, to be married, to get a dog, to have kids, to buy a house and have a “real” job that didn’t require wearing a men’s necktie and taking wine orders.  I knew that if I was patient, those things would come in time.  I was only 29.  I had found a man I loved, who loved me in return and wanted to build a life with me.  I had just finished graduate school where I had earned an MFA.  I was on the path to great things.  I knew that I should enjoy each day, that some day I would look back on those days of freedom–when the refrigerator went out and our landlord replaced it, when I could spend a weekday afternoon writing or reading in a coffee shop because my weekend was different than the rest of the world’s, when I could go to NYC for the weekend without thinking twice about where to kennel my dog, who would watch my kids or how much money it was going to cost to do it.

Four years later, many of those far off wishes have come true.  June 5, 2007 Tim asked me to be his wife.  September 17, 2007 I started a new job–this time at a University with benefits and no mandatory black vest.  July 3, 2008 Tim and I were married. We had an intimate ceremony, and in front of our family and friends we made a promise to each other.  August 27, 2008 we adopted a skinny mutt with a big head wearing a kerchief and an orange “adopt me” jacket while we were at a concert in the park with friends.  August 1, 2009 we moved to a row home–still renting, but a large place with lots of space.

Today is June 26, 2010 and Tim and I are now “ready” for kids.  As ready as we’ll ever be I suppose. I’d love to be pregnant by my 33rd birthday, but that doesn’t give us much time considering my birthday is in August.  With several friends pregnant with what, to me, seemed like not even trying, it’s easy for me to want it all right now.

Still, as I did in 2006 (and 2007, 2008 and 2009), I must be patient and wait for the good things to come.  I know one day I’ll be looking back and thinking fondly of the year Tim and I had together before we had kids. Many people I’ve talked to have said to savor this time, to enjoy each other, to appreciate the freedom, the quiet and the sleep.

September 20, 2010 will mark the 7-year anniversary of the day Tim and I met.  We have come a long way since ending the awkward silence while sitting together at a party in Jamaica Plain, Boston.  A long way indeed.  And for that, I feel blessed.

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