It’s weird this planning a HUGE life change. I think about it a lot. Tim and I talk about it, and like most everything in our relationship, it’s an open conversation. Still, at the same time, it feels like a big secret. My sister, Tim’s brother and his brother’s fiance know that we’ve been thinking about trying to conceive some time “soon” or “this year,” but we’re not really talking about it with our parents. In some ways, I’m afraid our parents will try to dissuade us from trying to get pregnant now. We aren’t the most financially stable couple in the universe. We do have health insurance, one of us has a decent full-time job, and we have a place to live that is large enough for a family expansion. Still, we have a lot of student loan debt, little to no savings and the other one of us has a part-time, seasonal job (“under-employed” as we like to call it).
I know that no time will ever be the “right” time, and as Tim reminds me, “poor people have babies all the time.” I just hope we have the blessing of our families. Even though both of our parents live far away, we will definitely need their love and support.
I haven’t been discussing my pursuit of pregnancy with my girlfriends much either. I think there’s mixed reason for this. For one, it’s just a very personal thing. I’m not one for publicizing the details of my sex life. And two, very few of my close girlfriends are at the same life stage as me. Some are in relationships, but not married and not ready for kids any time soon. Some are single and desperately wanting to start a family–which starts by finding the right partner. Others have no plans for children. There are other scenarios as well. I am blessed with many girlfriends and consider more than a handful of them close friends. I know I could talk to them if I wanted or needed to, and sometimes little bits of info will spill into conversation when I’m in a more intimate setting, or feeling particularly open. Still, at this point, it’s something between Tim and me.
For now I will write my blog in secret. Sure, one day I plan to share the URL with family and friends. Maybe when we share the good news of pregnancy, or maybe some time later. I just feel like this time–this time of planning, and thinking, and wondering if the time is right–this time is worth writing about too. Most pregnancy blogs miss it.